Looking at where my life is and also at others around me. I constantly question if we truly ever get life right. Can people be genuine, and does happiness ever last more then a moment? Maybe as people we all have too high of standards which allows the little things to easily upset us, and people to disappoint us. I know personally I never allow people in. That my walls are high and my trust even higher. I do know that once I let you in I never want to let you go. I have learnt this past year that people cannot make me happy. I cannot rely on one person for all my happiness because when they're gone you're well... screwed. You and you alone are the soul creator for your happiness. I think as humans we let other peoples ideals and values affect us too much. Sometimes when its broken it's just broken. Then letting go is even harder.
Someone once said to me "I am a bad person; damaged goods that no one wants.: My response to this was "If you seriously see yourself that way then that's how the whole world will see you. You're not damaged; why do you think that?" It took a while for my friend to respond and finally it was said "Well I am unhappy. I don't have anyone, and I want to start my life." When I was having this conversation a few years ago; I never really knew what to say. If I was put in this situation again I would have responded with "Why do you need someone to start your life? Don't let being damaged stop you from living." We all know this and yet we allow it to affect us anyway.
It is such a common misconception that we need someone or something in our life to make us happy. Just like its a common misconception that human beings were meant to be connivers when our human biology is much closer to that of a deer than a wolf. Also when have you ever seen a monkey eat meat? I know I haven't. Anyways back to my point. As humans we are supposed to have interaction with each other on a social and physical level; but to say that one person has complete control over your happiness and well being is a complete load of crock. As humans we have something known as free will and that co-insides with each individual persons happiness.
It took me a long time to realize this. For a lot of my life I always relied on others for my happiness. Not taking responsibility for my actions and pretty much just going with the flow. I was what some people (now me included) would call directionless. I had no sense of direction. A trait I now despise in others. However over the past three or so odd years I have done a lot of growing up. I've become more independent and in some cases more trusting. It's always been hard for me to let people in. To open up and show them the real me. Then once I do it's even harder for me to let go. I have lost a few good friends in the past three years including a boyfriend. Every time it was like a bomb going off sending me scattered in a million pieces. I let you in and you had the audacity to do what you did to me! How could you?! After many long drawn out goodbyes (mostly on my part) I blamed them for my unhappiness when really I should have only blamed myself.
I think we tend to hold on to the past for so long that it blocks us from seeing the good that's calling our name.(Hello Hansina, yes it's me good. Right; nope a little over to the left. Too far just back to the right a bit. OK. There Hi. I'm the present; Good. Nice to meet you.) It's staring us right in the face; telling us its okay. Move on; come with me and we will be happy. Just keep moving. It shows us that we are all equal in the evil and beauty we are capable of producing. It's just a matter of what you personally choose to produce more of. If you produce more beauty, warmth, and positivity you will find happiness. Just open your eyes, and don't ignore what matters most. Always let your heart defy your logic. Remember if you are damaged than everyone else around you is damaged in there own way as well. Rise Against really did have it right when they wrote "Life for you, has been less than kind. So take a number, stand in line. We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt; but how we survive is what makes us who we are."
Never let being damaged ruin your future happiness. Learn to smile. Smile and laugh. Tell someone I love you; it will feel really good I promise. Learn to forgive; but never forget. Just let go. Have hope While having faith. Learn to trust. Make a bucket list. Cross something off said bucket list. Never regret. Give up. Lose yourself. Find your way back. Give someone a chance. Say yes. Cry. Dance. Be happy. Become the person you want to be. Don't stop dreaming; because there is nothing wrong with wanting more. Chase the rain. Be strong. Fight your fears. Time machines don't exist. Learn to walk away. Learn that sometimes; you can only blame yourself. Don't waist another second. Do what you love to do. Also always remember. Discover the person you are; before you find the person you need to be with. Live, live, live. From this day forward my dreams start now; and everyday will be the most important day. Dream what you live; live what you dream.
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