I haven't written one of these in quite sometime looks like almost a year; however I have been thinking a lot lately about how as we grow older we lose touch with the people we love and the things we love to do. No longer is life like an episode of the TV show Friends, and time no longer feels like it can last forever because well lets face it, it just cant.
Almost four years ago I moved away from my hometown. I left most of my family behind and all of my friends with them. Even though I left we still talk on occasion and I see everyone at least once a year. Every time I come home we all get together and it feels as though nothing has changed, as though we haven't changed, and that is the beauty of it because we have. Through conversations with my friends I have discovered that I am not the only one who feels as though we have changed. Everyone has moved on in someway or another and no one sees each other every weekend anymore. We all have lives with consistently busy schedules, and that's what happens when you grow up and try to make a life to call yours. However I always remember the last summer we all spent together, and I remember one significant moment when we discussed our future. One of my best friends had said "Now that we are all out of high-school, we can spend every day together, we can get a place together and just hang." I also remember the look everyone gave her, that look of bewilderment, and I remember my sister topping it off with her you have got to be kidding me laugh followed by "No we wont, we will be to busy living our own lives, this isn't a TV show." Then I remember the look on our friends face and how heart broken for that one moment my sisters statement made her feel; but she was right. Our lives were and are not a TV show. When I look back on this night, our conversation almost breaks my heart. Almost. Funny thing is, that friend was one of the first of us to start her life and have the busy schedule.
Not only do I miss the time spent with my friends. I miss being that becoming adult. I miss spending hours locked in my room away from the world exploring the thoughts in my own head. I miss falling into a novel, and not sleeping for days on end because the story is so captivating you feel like you will die if you put that book down. I miss blasting music until the walls shake screaming out the lyrics to my favorite songs for hours on end just because I can. I miss playing an instrument, and I miss having time to create. To write, most importantly to write. I miss fitness being a mandatory part of my day, and I honestly thought I would never say that but it is true. I guess over all I just miss time.
I honestly don't know what it is or why as we grow older we seem to think there is never enough time for anything we love to do or want to do. Although when you think about it, the amount of time we spend at work is the same amount of time we spent in school, and yet our days feel too short. So why does finding time always feel so difficult and pressing? Maybe it's because our parents did a lot for us when we were younger, or maybe we used to never care because time didn't feel like an issue. I remember reading somewhere that said " as you grow older you will have to make sacrifices. Sacrifices you wont like, and you wont want to make. So make sure you choose the right ones." I guess the problem is knowing which ones to choose. Do I regret any choices I've made? Of course not because everything I have ever chosen was exactly what I wanted. My life is not always perfect it's imperfections are what makes it most interesting; although I miss the past, I would never change anything, and I would never go back. To me Growing up is an option. Growing old is mandatory, and I believe we all go through this phase which too shall pass.
