INFP Also know As The Idealist.

So I have been thinking a lot lately about relationships how it’s been two years since my last relationship, and how much I miss having one. It’s also got me thinking about how ridiculous our society is when it comes to women and men and how women should still just keep their mouths shut when it comes to them expressing how much they feel about someone or life in general. When they make bold gestures it often comes off as psychotic or desperate, unlike men and how they make it seem romantic and loving. How long do women have to go through constant scrutiny before we are no longer considered crazy people when we make our bold gestures; will this change or is it something women will always have to deal with?

This issue was brought up to me by a close friend, but it is also something that is a pressing issue with me. I know where she is coming from. I am an emotional person it’s just part of my personality. I speak freely of my ideals and have open communication when it comes to my views and values in life. Anyone who knows me knows how I stand on relationships and love, and how much I love, love.  So for a girl like me it is hard to not come off as psychotic when I talk about it because of how greatly I feel for it. Maybe this is why she came to me on her issues, because of how I feel for it. I want “real love, ridiculous, inconvenient, all consuming, cant-live-without-each-other-love.”  So I make bold gestures wear my heart on my sleeve; because I know that when the person I am supposed to be with finds me they will love this part about me.

I have always been one for boldness saying things when I know I shouldn’t. Taking the risk of being open and honest with someone when I know that it could very well drive them away, but why should I change who I am when I absolutely love who I am? This concept just does not make any sense to me. I want someone who will push my buttons, and make me reach hard for my goals. I want spontaneity, to be able to just get up and leave for a weekend without telling anyone where we are going and when to expect us back.  I want to be able to just sit or lay talking with someone for hours about anything and everything. I want to hold hands and make those nervous eye glances back and forth to each other. Most of all I want to feel the nervous rush of the first kiss to me it’s one of the best parts. Anyone that knows me could tell you just how important love is to me.

People have told me before that my thoughts on love are completely out there, and that if it wasn’t for Hollywood I most likely wouldn’t feel how I do about life and love. I don’t like to think that however, Hollywood already gets too much credit for everything else why give them my thoughts as well. My ideas of love started at a young age ever since I was old enough to play with Barbie and Ken. I have been planning my dream wedding since I was four years old. Hell I even had my very first kiss with a boy name Tyler when I was three. Granted it was just a little pucker, but still a kiss none the less. I was far too young to even know what Hollywood chick flick movies meant. I feel for love because of who I am not what got planted in my head. My best friend once said to me “Sina how are you going to find what you are looking for in love when you have such strong feelings on it.” (Well something close to that anyway) Since that day it is something that I have thought about a lot. The best answer I could think of now is I will find it when I find someone with similar thoughts and wants of love. When love is just as important to them as it is to me, that’s how I know when I’ve found it.

I can’t help what I feel or who I am It’s in my INFP nature.  So when I talk to you about my ideals, my wants, and my dreams. Please do not scrutinize me, or make me feel ashamed for my thoughts. Yes I love life and love, yes I feel greatly for it, and yes I want it. Does this make me a crazy psychotic or desperate person? No. It makes me real.