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| Courtesy of: http://bullybusteroc.wordpress.com/ |
So it has been such a long time since I have written anything on my blog, and I realize that it's because well I have been too busy to find anything to inspire me to write. Today however that has changed. It was a normal day for me, I just went to work, came home, took the dog for a walk held my boyfriends hand, gave him a kiss, and thought to myself. Wow I am absolutely lucky to be where I am right now. Its been a few days since I checked my facebook and I thought, well I should go on there and let some people know I am still alive. When I logged on my facebook was flooded with post's about this fifteen year old girl named Amanda Todd. She had committed suicide due to bullying. So I watched the video that she posted on you-tube about five months ago ( can be found here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ocvs5kNDSs ) and it made me even more grateful for my life that I have now; because I was exactly where she was when I was fifteen.
My entire childhood I was picked on. I got made fun of because I was over weight. My nick name in elementary school was Hamsina. It also was something that got carried over, even after I moved and years later resurfaced when someone that I never met in my life asked me 'hey didn't they call you Hamsina back in elementary?" Uh ya and who the eff are you? I got called a human cannon ball when I played basketball because I was more chubby than any other kid on the team. I got called No Neck Mcgee because well I guess it looked like I had no neck. One time in gym class this girl hid my pants and switched them out with different pants from the lost and found. Then when i asked where my pants were they all started laughing and she walked up to me and said "those are your pants, they have the stretch band, no other girl here needs the stretch band." Then for the rest of the day I was the laughing stock of the school for wearing pants from the lost and found. This is only some of the stuff I went through.
Every day I would go home and cry because I felt like no one liked me. I felt like the only friends I had were my friends because they wanted something from me. Even though I really had nothing to give. I remember getting into screaming matched with my mom and telling her that I was going to kill myself, and one day she would come home to find me dead. Even told her where she would find me. One day I even wrote that letter, thank god it never got delivered.
If we as teenagers even knew how little that part of out life was. How miniscule all that time in school was to the rest of our lives. Bullies would have no control of our minds and our feelings because in ten years from that time. They wont even matter. They will be a blip on the radar, that we remember but also forget. We remember because we don't want to forget how cruel some people really are, and how they made us strong in the end. We forget because we don't want to remember the pain they ensued apon us. Maybe this is my mission in life to help develop a way to reduce bulling, or to help kids who are victims of it. Just maybe.
My point is I know how this girl felt, I felt what she felt. Amanda Todd deserved a life outside of the heartache that she knew, and that she grew up to know. Amanda didn't have a chance to feel anything other than pain because people would never let her forget. Every time that I hear of a teenager killing themselves due to bullying it makes me feel like I could have saved them because I was saved. R.I.P Amanda Todd. From what I have read you truly were loved, and are missed.
For anyone affected by bullies. I leave you with this. It always helped me.
"Simon"
By: Lifehouse
Catch your breath,
Hit the wall,
Scream out loud,
As you start to crawl
Back in your cage
The only place
Where they will
Leave you alone.
'Cause the weak will
Seek the weaker til they've broken them.
Could you get it back again?
Would it be the same?
Fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense,
Left you with no defense;
They tore it down.
[Chorus:]
And I have felt the same as you,
I've felt the same as you,
I've felt the same.
Locked inside
The only place
Where you feel sheltered,
Where you feel safe.
You lost yourself
In your search to find
Something else to hide behind.
The fearful always preyed upon your confidence.
Did they see the consequence,
when they pushed you around?
The arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones,
Breaking them 'til they've become just another crown.
[Chorus]
Refuse to feel anything at all,
Refuse to slip,
Refuse to fall.
Can't be weak,
Can't stand still,
You watch your back 'cause no one will.
You don't know why they had to go this far,
Traded your worth for these scars,
For your only company.
And don't believe the lies
That they have told to you. Not one word was true
you're alright, you're alright, you're alright.
[Chorus]
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