Dream what you live; live what you dream.

Looking at where my life is and also at others around me. I constantly question if we truly ever get life right. Can people be genuine, and does happiness ever last more then a moment? Maybe as people we all have too high of standards which allows the little things to easily upset us, and people to disappoint us. I know personally I never allow people in. That my walls are high and my trust even higher. I do know that once I let you in I never want to let you go. I have learnt this past year that people cannot make me happy. I cannot rely on one person for all my happiness because when they're gone you're well... screwed. You and you alone are the soul creator for your happiness. I think as humans we let other peoples ideals and values affect us too much. Sometimes when its broken it's just broken. Then letting go is even harder.

Someone once said to me "I am a bad person; damaged goods that no one wants.: My response to this was "If you seriously see yourself that way then that's how the whole world will see you. You're not damaged; why do you think that?" It took a while for my friend to respond and finally it was said "Well I am unhappy. I don't have anyone, and I want to start my life." When I was having this conversation a few years ago; I never really knew what to say. If I was put in this situation again I would have responded with "Why do you need someone to start your life? Don't let being damaged stop you from living." We all know this and yet we allow it to affect us anyway.

It is such a common misconception that we need someone or something in our life to make us happy. Just like its a common misconception that human beings were meant to be connivers when our human biology is much closer to that of a deer than a wolf. Also when have you ever seen a monkey eat meat? I know I haven't. Anyways back to my point. As humans we are supposed to have interaction with each other on a social and physical level; but to say that one person has complete control over your happiness and well being is a complete load of crock. As humans we have something known as free will and that co-insides with each individual persons happiness.

  

It took me a long time to realize this. For a lot of my life I always relied on others for my happiness. Not taking responsibility for my actions and pretty much just going with the flow. I was what some people (now me included) would call directionless. I had no sense of direction. A trait I now despise in others. However over the past three or so odd years I have done a lot of growing up. I've become more independent and in some cases more trusting. It's always been hard for me to let people in. To open up and show them the real me. Then once I do it's even harder for me to let go. I have lost a few good friends in the past three years including a boyfriend. Every time it was like a bomb going off sending me scattered in a million pieces. I let you in and you had the audacity to do what you did to me! How could you?! After many long drawn out goodbyes (mostly on my part) I blamed them for my unhappiness when really I should have only blamed myself.

I think we tend to hold on to the past for so long that it blocks us from seeing the good that's calling our name.(Hello Hansina, yes it's me good. Right; nope a little over to the left. Too far just back to the right a bit. OK. There Hi. I'm the present; Good. Nice to meet you.) It's staring us right in the face; telling us its okay. Move on; come with me and we will be happy. Just keep moving. It shows us that we are all equal in the evil and beauty we are capable of producing. It's just a matter of what you personally choose to produce more of. If you produce more beauty, warmth, and positivity you will find happiness. Just open your eyes, and don't ignore what matters most. Always let your heart defy your logic. Remember if you are damaged than everyone else around you is damaged in there own way as well. Rise Against really did have it right when they wrote "Life for you, has been less than kind. So take a number, stand in line. We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt; but how we survive is what makes us who we are."

Never let being damaged ruin your future happiness. Learn to smile. Smile and laugh. Tell someone I love you; it will feel really good I promise. Learn to forgive; but never forget. Just let go. Have hope While having faith. Learn to trust. Make a bucket list. Cross something off said bucket list. Never regret. Give up. Lose yourself. Find your way back. Give someone a chance. Say yes. Cry. Dance. Be happy. Become the person you want to be. Don't stop dreaming; because there is nothing wrong with wanting more. Chase the rain. Be strong. Fight your fears. Time machines don't exist. Learn to walk away. Learn that sometimes; you can only blame yourself. Don't waist another second. Do what you love to do. Also always remember. Discover the person you are; before you find the person you need to be with. Live, live, live. From this day forward my dreams start now; and everyday will be the most important day. Dream what you live; live what you dream.

I am an Honorarian

Okay some of you know I have been having some pretty weird dreams; well actually nightmares lately. The last one I had was a few days ago and lets just say it scared me so much that when I awoke at five AM I couldn’t fall back to sleep till around eight AM. Don’t you hate those nightmares that feel so real when you wake up it is almost as if you experienced it in real life? Well this one was one of those “reality” nightmares.

In My dream my sister and I were going over to our friends place when we got there we go to our rooms set up for the night and then retired to the living room for the evening. Everyone decided that we were going to watch a horror movie. (This movie was not one that exists in real life or that I have ever even thought of writing a screen play for.) When I heard that we were watching this movie I got this overwhelming scared feeling in my stomach. For whatever reason I could not believe that we were going to be watching this movie. As the movie began I sat on the couch with my hands over my eyes. Then for whatever reason curiosity got the best of me and I decided that I would look at the screen. As I am taking my hands off my eyes I am jolted in to the movie, and I am standing outside a bedroom door. I see this boy (who is the main character in the movie) get thrown against the wall by some unknown force. These two long screws come out of the wall through the back of this boys head and out through his eyes. They start spinning around as if they were attached to a drill gun; which sends blood flying everywhere. Next thing I see this happen to his mom. His mom is also thrown against the wall and screws start coming out into various places of her body including her eyes. The screws start spinning around and now I am splattered with their blood. All of a sudden I am in a classroom. I look around and I see the boy from the movie sitting in the desk next to me. I go to say something then everyone’s head is shaking form side to side at hyper speed which makes their faces all blurry then I can’t recognize anyone. The heads all stop at the same time and they are all “looking” at me; but yet all of their faces are still blurry. I notice that they all have this symbol in what appears to be blood written on their forehead (see picture below) Then I am back in my friends living room with my sister who is crying. She looks at me and says “Something is really wrong; I am sleeping with you tonight.” Then my friend’s dog comes trotting over to me happy as can be licks my hand, and I pet her. Then I wake up.

Can you see why I didn’t go back to sleep for hours? When I awoke I was so terrified and curious as to why my subconscious would cause me to have such a screwed up dream. What was this about, and what on earth would posses me to have this horrifying nightmare. Since I couldn’t go back to sleep I had this sense of curiosity that I needed to know more about my dream, and now. So I grabbed my computer went to dreammoods.com and went to look up important things about my dream. Here is what I found out.

Now when you interpret your dream you have to pick out the most important things that seem to stick out to you more so than anything else. So for me that would be:

·        Being in the movie

·        Extremely scared

·        Bleeding eyes

·        Blood

·        Faceless people

·        The symbol

·        My sister

·        The dog

Movie: To dream you are apart of a movie foretells that something form your unconscious is about to emerge or be revealed. Alternatively the dream may be pointing you towards a new life role. And your unconscious is preparing you for this role.

Scared: Indicates you are experiencing feelings of self doubt, incompetence, and lack of control in your waking life. Maybe having second thoughts about a decision you have made.

Bleeding Eyes: Symbolizes the sacrifices you have made and the difficulties you have endured. Alternatively the dream signifies some very deep internal conflict with in your soul.

Blood: Represents life, love, passion, and as well as disappointments. If something is written in blood then it represents the energy you have put into something. You have invested so much time and effort into something you are not willing to give up on. If others are bleeding it signifies an emotional cry for help.

Faceless: To see faceless people indicates that you are still searching for your own identity and finding out who you are.

The Symbol: Is the symbol of “Honorarianism” is two circles or rings locked together symbolizing the eternal link between life and death. One ring lies flat and the other is rotated 90 degrees so that it resembles a flat line.

Sister: Symbolizes some aspect of your relationship with her whether one of rivalry, nurturance, protectiveness, etc. Alternatively your sister could be a metaphor for a nun. In this case; she may represent some spiritual issues

Dog: Symbolizes loyalty, intuition, generosity, protection, and fidelity. Suggests that your strong values and good intentions will enable you to move forward and bring success to yourself.

After I had found all of these definitions I still needed to figure out what that symbol meant. Thank goodness for Google. Okay so I go to Google and type in; “circle symbol with a line coming from the center outwards.” I click on images and find the picture of the symbol that I have already posted above. Now remember I have NEVER seen this symbol in my entire life before this dream; I swear. After I click on the image I am taken to this site called The Church of Honor. A blog dedicated to spreading the word of a new religion called “Honorarianism.” Also known as the Church of Honor.

I start thinking to myself okay this is pretty freaky. I have never seen this symbol before in my entire life and now it means some religious type bull that I probably do not even believe in. Not to mention how my dream is now making me think of some creepy stigmata crap; only thank goodness when I awoke I wasn’t blind with bleeding eyeballs. *Shudders* the whole stigmata hand scene was enough reality for me thanks. I still get shivers thinking about it. Even though I think this will be completely irrelevant to me I continue to read on; the whole time asking the question what the heck does my unconscious mind want me to know about this? This is what I read next:

The 5 pillars of “Honorarianism” are:

1. Strive to respect, honor and celebrate life.
2. Strive to take good care of your mind and body.
3. Strive to take good care of others.
4. Strive to be humble and to remain calm.
5. Strive to admit to and learn from your mistakes and to be responsible for your problems.

After reading this I was like, huh? These are things that I have been trying to live by and work towards improving on for the benefit of my life for a while now. However what do they have to do with this so called new found religion, and one that I have NEVER heard of before? So I continue to read and find out that this not a registered religion but rather more so of a belief/spirituality system. Plus it is everything I have ever thought about religion but could never really explain to anyone. Here are some examples.

What is a Honorarianist?

An “Honorarian” or “Honorarianist” is someone who believes in and lives by the principles (The five Pillars) of “Honorarianism”. An “Honorarian” agrees to strive to honor life through respect and celebration.

God?

Honorarian’s view God as an asexual being composed of divine light that has existed since the dawn of time.

Is God Good or Evil?

The concepts of good and evil, morality, ethics, etc are human concepts and cannot be applied to God. “Honorarians” believe in the existence of God but do not characterize it as good or evil. God just is.

Did God Create The Earth? Can God intervene In Worldly Affairs?

Yes, God created the earth, the universe and everything that has does or ever will exist. God IS the universe and thus created itself. Yes, everything that happens is God’s will.

What is Honorarianism’s attitude toward Darwinism?

Honorarians believe in evolution.

What happens when we die? Do you believe in eternal life?

When living beings such as humans die they cease to live; but they do not cease to exist. Existence after death is impossible for a living human to comprehend since it is so different. “Honorarians” believe in eternal existence, not eternal life. Humans exist both before birth and after death.

Do Honorarians believe in the concepts of heaven and hell?

No. The concepts of heaven and/or hell would require a life after death and a bodily existence like the one we have to day. “Honorarians” believe in existence after death, not life. Because of this the concepts of heaven and hell become meaningless to us.

Is Honorarianism monotheistic?

Yes. Since God is everything, everywhere, always. On the other hand “Honorarianism” recognizes the need for human beings to worship the perceived manifestations of God in different ways. “Honorarianism” does not have a God of Love, God of War, etc. There is only one God no matter how you choose to worship it.

Ok, so I’m an Honorarian. Do I have to give up my old religion?

Absolutely not: Honorarianism is an open, inclusive religion. For example, you can choose to be both an Honorarian and a Muslim at the same time. Honorarianism does not dictate how you choose to worship God.

Do you believe in Jesus? Allah? Buddha?

No, Jesus is a Christian concept. He may or may not have existed but we do not recognize him as our savior. For that matter we don’t recognize anyone as a savior since we believe in individual responsibility. Regarding Allah, Buddha and other deities or prophets, we recognize that they may or may not have existed and that they have promoted very many important concepts, but we do not regard them as part of our pantheon.

Does the concept of sin exist in Honorarianism? Who decides what is right or wrong? Is God’s word law?

No, we do not believe in the concept of sin. However, we do believe that breaking the law should have consequences. People decide what is right or wrong. Different cultures have different views on the subjects of morality and ethics and these change over time. We do not believe that one absolute, unchangeable truth has been communicated to us by God. We do not believe there is such a thing as God’s word. By following the 5 pillars of Honorarianism we believe that people will do what is “right”.

If you are not Christians, why do you call it the “Church” of honor?

For an “Honorarian” a “church” is just a meeting hall or gathering place. It can be either indoors or outdoors. Someone’s home, a town hall, a hay field, a Christian church or a Muslim mosque, all of these places could be considered “churches” by “Honorarians”.

The place is irrelevant. The important thing is that people gather together to respect, honor and celebrate life.

Wow this turned out to be a rather long one. I just felt like it was something I need to share with people. Not that I expect anyone to follow this at all; to me it is just rather interesting how my unconscious mind informed me through this symbol even though I haven’t seen it anywhere ever before. As a lot of you know I have been doing a lot of soul searching and finding out about my personality in the past year. One of my biggest things for my personality type (INFP) is that we need some sort of strong faith in order to feel complete as people, and in order to push us to achieve what we want out of life. Moving to Vancouver has been very stressful for me. I mean I went from supporting myself, having my own place, and being extremely independent. To living at my families place and being co-dependent on someone once again; even for just a short while. So many big changes happened and all of them so fast. I truly think that my subconscious wanted to give me something to have strong faith in with out damaging my already strong value system. It did that through a pretty freaky ass dream but none the less I am thankful for it. Now I have a system I can have faith in that actually makes sense and will allow me to be who I want to be, and what I want to do in my life.