The Art of Changing

“All changes even the most longed for, have their own melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”

-Anatole France

This year has been a rollercoaster of changes for me. Not only me but most people I know. I always had a hard time accepting change and allowing it some sort of presence in my life. However over the past ten years I have started to see that change is an on going battle and no matter how hard I try to avoid it or put it off, change will always be there. So I can either pretend that nothing has changed, avoid the inevitable or open my arms and accept the fact it’s going to happen whether I want it to or not.

I used to rack my brain with trying to change the situation or trying to change people to make everything easier on me but I cannot change others. Some situations I can change because I have brought them on myself although most changes happen for a reason and therefore are unchangeable. To put it simple, change sucks. It’s hard, messy, and most people cannot deal with it. They allow themselves to wallow in the past instead of accepting the change and allowing it to run its course.

Not only does changing life circumstances come along but also change in oneself is just as hard if not harder. Breaking old habits to create new better ones can feel like it takes a lifetime, but it’s not impossible. Change in oneself is a constant. It will always be there. It creates and destroys. However things don’t change. We change.

So hold close to the people you care about. Stay connected to those that are important because change will happen, and when it does these are the people you will lean on for support. Even though we’ve changed and we’re all finding our own place in this world we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we’ll come to each other because no matter where this crazy messed up world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we’re not all still friends.

Stars and Moon

 

I have always had a fascination with our galaxy, our planet, our moon, and our stars. How they are endless and unattainable.  There is a mystery to them, that no one person can truly explain, and maybe that’s what makes them so inscribable so breath taking and astonishing.

When I was younger I had somewhat the same fascination with them as I do now. I asked my mom to bring the moon down to me when we were walking home from a neighbour’s one night. I wanted it so badly, and when you’re three years old walking down the street you look up and try to grab the moon but it looks just out of your reach, obviously mommy can reach it, right? Wrong, I don’t remember how I felt at the moment I mean I was three, but I can imagine I was extremely disappointed. I love how they shine, how when you stare at them they make you want to dream and think of your life and what you want from it. Maybe this is where the saying reach for the stars comes from?  That is just a thought though of course.

 I’ve always wanted to buy a piece of land on the moon. You know just in case that zombie apocalypse happens, or a contagious virus spreads through out mankind, or we have 1 yr before the world implodes. I’ll have a little piece of land for myself on my moon, and maybe just maybe if I could make it to my rocket ship, hell if I could afford my own rocket ship I could live there. Hey a girl can dream right? J

The galaxy and the constellations in our galaxy bring out a beauty in our night sky unlike anything ever seen or described. There is something about a clearing in the woods with an awesome tree line, or a flat farmers field with an endless screen of stars above that holds no beauty like anything else. Even the biggest, boldest, most pretty city holds no match against it.

Did you know that a lot of the stars in our galaxy already burnt out many years ago, but because of the whole time difference thing and a lot of other really smart things that I don’t understand at all we are still able to see and enjoy their beauty long after they have burned out. Maybe this concept is what inspired Neil Young to sing “its better to burn out than to fade away” in his song “Hey hey, My my” that Kurt Cobain also later took and adopted the saying as his own.

I obviously know that our galaxy had no influence on Neil Young when he wrote that song. As I am sure the song was written about John Lydon of the Sex Pistols abandoning his Johnny Rotten persona, as well as the death of Elvis. However it was an awesome thought I had that not only one but also two of the greatest musicians of our time could have the thought based on our stars, that “it’s better to burn out than to fade away.” Much like us still seeing those stars that have already burned out, we will always think of the most influential musicians of our time after they have also burned out. We will always remember them for their amazing creativity as well as beauty in their sound. Just as we still see the beauty of those stars that are long gone. This however was just thought I wanted to entertain.

I feel as though we can learn something from our solar system, the galaxy we have at out fingertips but always just out of reach. I’m not sure what it is or what it will be. Maybe everyone has something different to learn from it. However there is a depth to our universe in a whole that makes everyone think. Even if it is just about its beauty; and that in it’s self is magnificent.

love

What is love?


This has to be the hardest question for mankind to answer. Does anyone know what it is? What its worth? How it really feels? Does it awaken your soul? Make you a better person? What is it about this silly word that makes everyone so insane, so obsessed. Searching for it, and racking our brains over and over for this one silly word. Love.


At one point I thought I knew this love. How it made me feel nervous and excited all at once. A million butterflies in my tummy and all tingly when he would look at me or touch my hand. How at one point it made me want to be better. I once heard "The best love is the kind that makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds." Then I realized I never had this kind of love. Which brings me to my point. I will ask the question again. What is love?


Is there only one kind of love? My theory is no. As I am sure many of you will agree with me. I believe that there are many types of love. For instance, the love of mother and child. I love my mother to death I love how she raised me to be the person I am today. I love how she supported me in most of my decisions even though she knew some of them were pretty stupid, and how she is always there for me no matter what. Unconditional love. Then there is the love you have for your siblings, friends, and family members. You know they would do almost anything for you, and you would do the same in return. This is more of a botanical love. A love that grows until it can't anymore; but is always there and keeps re-generating. A simple love.


But what is it about this third kind of love. The all consuming, passion controlling, heart racing, body tingling, mind numbing crazy love that makes every single person feel like they cannot, and will not live with out. What makes this love more important than the rest. How can something that makes you feel like you're flying one second have the ability to make you crash and burn the next. Love is a wonderful thing, but it can also be ugly, and dirty, and heart breaking life altering love.


Now don't get me wrong. I love, love. I want to feel love at its fullest. In the words of miss carrie bradshaw "I want real love, ridiculous, inconvenient, all consuming, can't-live-without-each other, love. I think this love seems more important because, there is that one person that completes you, changes you, and makes you want to be better. When others just simply can't. The problem is that people search of this kind of love. So we live through the madness the craziness the sadness and the tough times because the right person makes it all worth it. I want this love.


The problem is most people spend their entire existence looking for this love. Searching for it, jumping from one person to the next because they can't find the love they crave and so badly desire. They don't realize that nothing good ever comes from seeking it out, and hunting it down. They lose out on the best kind of love, because they simply do not like to be alone. These people think love is a lost cause, the love and happiness and marriage, cannot exist together. When they absolutely can. These people feel like they have no time. No time for love, when love needs more time than anything. And when you think about it. The time you wasted searching for love. Could have been spent waiting for the real thing. I refuse to look for love. I believe that the best things come when you lest expect them, with time and patients. I want my Peter Pan.


"You know that place between sleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you... Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting."
-Tinkerbell, Hook